Like today. I've been researching positions around the world. Literally. But have any panned out? Nope. The most promising one, from my perspective, let me know that unless Jer has a BA/BS, he can't get a work visa. And the organization wants THE MAN to be the primary worker. So even though I am a highly qualified teacher with experience they want, because Jer hasn't finished school and I am expecting, I can't even be considered? Unless I just want to sub?
And that's just the latest in a string of disappointing results. So much so that I'm beginning to question the point of even trying anymore. Or the point of having tried so hard at school. Or even going into education in the first place. What was the point? Spending $60,000 to sit at home every night clicking the refresh button hoping that a job in SOMETHING will show up? To spend every day I do get a sub job getting asked why I'm not a REAL teacher? How much LESS school it took? How EASY being a sub is?
The really awful thing is that it is the only thing I want to do. Even now, spending evenings bawling my eyes out (thank you, pregnancy hormones!) about how sick of subbing I am, and how pointless it all is, I just want to teach.
And so I keep looking. But then I get rejection emails. If I'm lucky. Most of the time I'm not even worth that much to them. Of course, I'm not the ideal candidate for any school. I have a teaching license of course, but they all seem to want an addition to the license that pretty much rules me out. Permanently. They want a man, but see, they go about saying in legally acceptable ways: Football Coach, Boy's Hockey Coach, Boy's Basketball Coach. So why not just put on the notice "Females need not apply"! Oh. Right. They can't discriminate based on gender.
Maybe this is God's way of keeping us here a little while longer. Or teaching me to be more dependent on him. Or for me to go back to school. Or a combination of all of them.
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